Not quite over - yet !!!

I got scared yesterday afternoon, so i sent MD a msg telling him that i respect any decision that he has made, that he has a lot on his plate and I didn't think there was any reason for him to come around as I didn't want to hear his rejection. I said that if you wanted to call me he could but if he didn't I would be okay and I would totally understand and that there were no need for more words.

Well i didnt' hear a response back from him and I assumed that was that.....i cried a few little tears and was actually coming to terms with it and feeling okay around 10pm when he pulled up....wtf

I opened the door and said "i wasn't expecting you" and he replied "why? I always call around after poker", so I said "didn't you get my msg" and he just said "yes i did". I was dumb struck.

He then asked if i wanted a cuppa and he sat and made happy small talk with me, then he said he had to go...btw he kept calling my gorgeous......then bent down and gave me a kiss and said goodbye.

So today I have no idea what the hell is going on. I really dont want him to come around and tell me it is over, i would prefer if he just didn't come around...i would get the message.

In hindsight I think that I took some of the control off him by sending him that msg. He was going to come around last night and dump me, but when I took that power off him, he changed his plans. It would not surprise me if he turned up tonight to do it - that would give him his control on the situation back again.

How do I stop this...i really dont want to hear it....I know he needs to dump me before Saturday (his daughters wedding day) so he can go out and do whatever with whomever...and not feel guilty about it. So it is coming........

I just dont want to hear it, I dont want to look like the devastated women anymore, I want him to walk away and leave me with some dignity. Thinking of sending him msg saying that I will not be home tonight or something like that...but he knows the kids are in bed for school and so he knows I will be home late...He will show up a little later.

God how do i stop him feeling powerful by dumping me. I want him to feel out of control of the situation. I know he is not coming around to declare his love and undying committment to me so why bother coming around at all.

It is another way of him hurting me - mentally tormenting me.