Just another day

I have been thinking and I think I have stuffed up in my life.

MD came around last night just for a visit, stayed for a cuppa and then had things he needed to do at home, vacuum, dishes, washing blah blah blah...anyway i was kinda relieved that he left, as a night at home alone was just what i needed.

I heard from Hippygirl today and this has me worried. It was my birthday the other day and she organised a dinner for me and my friends, as I mentioned previously I didn't invite MD, as i know that Hippygal hates him with a passion.

The reason she hates him and quite clear - she hates the way that he treats me and his arrogant manner and he has also done a few things in her past (she has known him longer then me)that have hurt her....so even though over the past 9 years she has been our friend, not any more...she is over it and really doesn't want anything to do with him. She is the main reason that i didn't invite him as she is very important to me and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or upset.

I think she knows that we are talking, but she doesnt' know that we are sleeping together. She told me when we were split up that if I ever went back to him that she would never talk to me again....well this is where i have fucked up i think.

She didn't turn up to dinner that night, she didn't even message me to tell me that she wasn't coming, she spoke to someone else about it and they told me that her b/fs mum was sick and she couldnt come.

I have sent a few msg's to her since then asking how things are going and all i am getting is short answers, so i have this feeling that she knows that me and MD are getting together and she has decided to wipe me. This kills me as I really really dont want to lose her.

My other friend Kat also didn't show and I am assuming for the same reason - she thought that MD was going so she stayed away...said she didn't get the msg's to come...wtf of course she did.

So now i am pissed and thinking well I may as well keep seeing him, they have fucked me off anyway, I am completely alone without him.

So this is how I am feeling right at this moment. Things could change in next few hours but I am in such a fucked up place atm.