Survival Mode

Okay things haven't changed much...still not with MD. Things got a little messy during the xmas break and we even slept together a few times. We talked about what we could possibly do to work things out between us as we feel that there is a deep deep connection between us.

WE both have jealousy and trust issues and MD suggested that maybe we should get some counselling. I agreed and then started having second thoughts. How can a counsellor help us? What could they possibly say to erase the memories of him cheating on me? him treating me badly in front of people? erase the thoughts of him and his female friends together?

MD rang early January to tell me he was flying overseas for a week holiday...i was pissed off. He always crys about being poor, even to the extent that he told me just before xmas that we couldnt live together because he couldnt afford it...wtf...i support myself.

Anyway to cut a long story short...i told him last week to never contact me. He went ballistic and called me every name number the sun, demanded everything he had ever given to be given back to him blah blah blah

So we haven't been in contact..... I went to a counsellor last week and had a good cry - my problem being that i still fucking love him...what the fuck is that about. What else does he have to possible do to me (beside killing me) before i fall OUT of love with him.....why am i so not in control of this situation.

HOw do you survive heartbreak? I am trying to do things to keep busy but my thoughts are on him 24/7. What do I do and where do i go next?

I live in a very small city and he is very very very well known. He is very very social and has a very large network of associates and friends....I feel like i need to stay home as I dont want to bump into anyone as I am sure they will ask me or speak to me about him - worse still would be for them to tell me about his new "very nice" girlfriend.

So not only do i feel heartbroken and upset but i feel alone. My girlfriends are trying to be nice to me and stuff, but they all have their lives (with their partners) so i guess there isn't much they can do. They can't babysit me every night.

This feeling sucks BIG TIME